I'm back~~ Maybe

I had the worst time last night.  I tried leaving a comment on a friends' mission blog and couldn't for the life of me remember how to sign in.  I spent nearly 45 minutes trying to retrieve data from info I couldn't remember.  I finally found my old info and was able to sign in.  In all this process, I realized that I haven't updated my blog in over a  year.  What a year it's been.  

I have not had the mental stamina for three days in a row to come up with the ability to write anything. Most days my hands won't type on a keyboard, legibly at least.  The worst part is that I don't remember most of this past year.  Most of my few waking hours have gone into taking care of the basic necessities of running our household.   The kids get excited when I actually cook dinner instead of "choose your own adventure" or "cereal for dinner" meals.  I tell them I'm just trying to get Jake and Josh ready for their missions, but I'm not so sure they are buying it anymore.  Without Josh, who now drives, I don't know what I would have done.  To say it has been a rough year for me is to underestimate my year.  :)   

  

This past couple of weeks was extra rough.   I had to bow down in my pride and ask my mother to come babysit me.  I felt defeated.  I was actually brought meals from members of the church for four days.  FOUR DAYS!  Do you have any idea how hard that is?  That meant admitting to myself that I;  #1) was in severe pain,  #2) needed help, and  #3)  am not as strong as I want to be.  That was a hard pill to swallow.

 My family is truly a blessing to me.  Elaina will even read to me so I can take my mind off the pain when it gets bad.  All four kids go out of their way to make sure I am taken care of when I am having a rough time.  Of course, I did have to endure lots of heckling from Jake.  Once he realized I was masking a lot of the pain, the heckling stopped, mostly.  They have come to recognize the look I get when things are not quite right. They don't even ask questions anymore when I look at them and say, "we need to go" from whatever we are doing.   My mother, and family are acting like worried hens.   I am not going to die any time soon or anything.  I just have to get thru this rough patch.  That's all.  I keep thinking "it will get better".  I have complete faith it will.  Heck.  I even called the Dr, and now I have pain pills that numb the pain to where I mostly don't feel it.  I can now go back into self-denial mode.  Things are looking up already!   :)